25 December 2007

The Jordan Catelano Effect or why I understand Justin Bobby

"I think Justin Bobby took your ticket."
- Lo to Lauren

If you watch The Hills you immediately know what this quote is about. Even if you don't, you might know who Justin Bobby is. If you still don't know what the heck I am talking about, trust me, you know Justin Bobby. You have met him before. In fact, you've dated him. He's good-looking and possessing a certain mystique. He's an unemployed musician or a bartendar. Maybe he looks slightly like a pirate. He probably doesnt change the sheets on his bed but his car/motorcycle will always look freshly waxed. He's at the bar looking like he's having a miserable time. He will always take his calls on his cellphone in another room and his exgirlfriends are always described as having "just gone crazy". Your female friends that don't get it steer clear of him but those that do will gladly push you off of a cliff to get closer to him.

Two words can completely explain the intrigue that is Justin Bobby. These same two words also explain Kate Moss's relationship with Pete Doherty and why magicians always seem to be dating supermodels. These two words: Jordan Catelano.

Jordan Catelano was a character on the ridiculously good 90s show, My So-Called Life. The main character, angsty and sensitive Angela Chase was obsessed with him. Mostly he leaned against things. He was in a band. He sat in the back of the classroom. Occasionally he would say things that sounded profound. He was also almost heart-breakingly beautiful. Angela Chase believed that their were hidden depths to him. And, if My So-Called Life were a different show, say were it One Tree Hill, she probably would have found them. But the integrity of My So-Called Life is such that their is no depth to Jordan Catelano. He might have even been slightly retarded. He is Mr.Big without the money or redemption. Still, he's the male equivalent of the crazy bitch that wrecks a guys life. Of course the exgirlfriends did not simply "go crazy". He got bored. It was a Tuesday. He moved to Paris. The weather changed. He grew tired of "labels" He stopped calling. The lost and they lost it.

Incidently, Jared Leto, the actor that played Jordan Catelano is basically living proof of the Jordan Catelano Effect as he seems to have made a name for himself playing slacker roles and making semi-decent music while dating every hot hollywood actress. But even Angela Chase got over Jordan Catelano in the end. Plus who knows what would have happened in season two?


Emily White - Miami, FL said...

I love the name of your blog. The name of this post came up via google. Love that too! Nice one.

hellakije said...

I totally get the whole Kate Moss, total dropkick thing now. A true revelation. I also love how Jordan Catalano leans..