mostly about bears

I want to preface this by saying I am not sure if anyone else will find this amusing. This isn't a post about a cool artist or a serious issue. If you want that, go to design sponge or someplace that doesn't ramble as much as I do.

I have a few close girl friends and they all live in different cities. Katy is in Dallas for now, Lindsey is in Virginia, Amy is in Chicago,Erica is moving to New York City, and Jen is in Orlando. We are all doing vastly different things so it is nice to check in using the internet from time to time.

This post will mostly concern Katy and Jen. Katy has had this dream of opening a bakery for a long time. I should also add that she is a genius that has interned for the Clinton Foundation and already has her Master's Degree in Public Health at 23. Jen works at Lockheed Martin and has a very grownup job and big people furniture. She also drives a beautiful car which I am all too happy to have her pick me up in.

I love the idea of opening a bakery but have no money. Katy suggested small business loans, I suggested illict activities. I then suggested we get Jen to be our investor, as she is the only friend who is gainfully employed. Katy then suggested the most logical next move - we steal Jen's car. This exchange followed:

me: i dont think jen will like this plan
let's not tell her
katy: ok
do you know how to steal a car?
me: hm
katy: i'm sure it's on the internets

We quickly realized that Jen's car is probably fancier than the average car. It has bluetooth. I am still not quite sure what bluetooth is. Since Jen was online during this planning, we decided to covertly gain information.

katy:jen said her car has antitheft protection
i'm going to ask if it has bears
me: now she has to know we are up to something!
katy:she said it has attack grizzlies
we're screwed
me: crap. i saw grizzly man, bears dont play

We had mostly given up on this plan until Katy let me know one fact. Jen identified the attack bears as Russian. Then I identified myself as a huge nerd.


me: i know about animals
grizzlies are the largest land carnivore
and are only native to north america
katy: oh man
you should call jen out
me: i am calling jen out

I called Jen out and thought we had victory. But this was her response.

jen: grizzlies were given to stalin as a peace making present, post cold war
and as they roamed near the arctic circle, they adapted
and became more vicious
and someone got the bright idea to sell them as attack bears
and i profit from that man's ingenuity

Your car is safe for now Jen. But I know something you don't: bears sleep. And Katy and I will only wait.