During the last class session of CRW 4905 with Padgett Powell, we spent a good portion of our time designing a line of mints. Professor Powell was convinced that these mints were the key to financial stability for all of us, for the rest of our days. Ms. Morris was convinced that she wanted to stab the next person who mentioned mints. Regardless, here is the official list:
N.B. the mints are shaped according to their name, but the flavor varies without reason.
Encouragemints--The best thing you could ever give our to your friends.
Agreemints--For suck-ups and yes-men.
Distinguishmints--A quick way to turn any party classy.
Bereavemints and Tormints--"The worst-tasting pack of candies ever." Sell well to masochists.
Engorgemints--Clearly the best kind of mints. Possibly laced with Viagra.
Predicamints--What the Engorgemints get you into.
Indulgemints--Perhaps our only mint which is actually marketable.
Condimints--Wonderful in that some will be miniature bottles of ketchup and mustard, and others will simply be "condom mints."
Internmints--Let us lock in the flavor.
Instrumints--"Don't let bad breath make you play third fiddle! Have an Instrumint and toot your own horn!"
Merrymints--Special holiday edition.
Rudimints--What teachers hand out.
Estrangemints--If you don't have enough awkward situations in your life.
Containmints--Might contain sedatives.
Lamints--Intended to chase the Bereavemints and Tormints. Shaped like teardrops.
Momints--For that special moment in your life--or for whenever you simply want "Mo' mints!"
Fomints--The rebellious mints.
Atonemints--The only mint bulk-packaged for religious groups.
Admonishmints--The subtle way to make someone feel bad.
Blandishmints--"If it please God, let less happen. Even out Earth's rondure, flatten Eiger, blanden the Grand Canyon."
Enslavemints and Abolishmints--Never take one without the other.
Adornmints--Double as jewelry.
Fragmints--"You'd only get a half!"
Appeasemints--Packaged with Chamberlain on the front.
Appointmints--Extra-long mints to write reminders on.
Entertainmints--They juggle themselves!
Embarassmints--Perhaps they make you fart?
Movemints--Packaged with Mexican jumping beans.
Supplemints and Complemints--For the geometrically-minded.
Ailmints--For those aching bones.
Assignmints--Nobody wants these mints.
Elemints--Fire, Water, Earth, Air, and Spirit
Demints--A lowering of our standards. This mint will drive you crazy!
Augmints--For anyone else not included.
Argumints--This one's debatable.
Basemints--It'll be our lowest price. Also good for dates when a certain base is in mind.
Arraignmints--Guilty of great flavor. Not to be used in sight of Homeland Security officials.
Disarmamints--Packs a punch!